No More Domestic Violence Against Women

September 13, 2011 marked the 17-year anniversary since the passing of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA). Having been reauthorized in 2000 and 2005, it was written by Senator Joe Biden's office with the support of several organizations such as the National Organization for Women.

Director Susan B. Carbon of the Office on Violence Against Women (OVW) that is a part of the U.S. Department of Justice, wrote in her message on the OVW website:

"Thanks to the unyielding focus of now Vice President Biden and many of his colleagues in Congress, a remarkable and groundbreaking piece of legislation has transformed our nation’s response to the tragic crimes of domestic violence, sexual assault, stalking and dating violence. Hundreds of thousands of victims have benefitted, and their lives forever changed because of the resolve and commitment to end violence demonstrated not only by Congress, but by all those who have worked so hard over the past 17 years to implement this legislation in their crisis centers, police departments, emergency rooms, prosecutors’ offices, courtrooms and communities. We are a different country than we were 17 years ago."

Source: http://www.ovw.usdoj.gov/director-sept2011msg.html

Domestic violence is a horrific experience and it does not strictly occur against women. Men and children have been victims as well. The list below can help you determine if abusive behavior is a possibility. Does your spouse or significant other (or a friend or family member's spouse or significant other):

• exhibit signs of being jealous all the time?
• display controlling and demanding behavior?
• control what you can do or who can be your friend?
• have a short temper fuse that ignites easily (with or without alcohol)?
• have violent tendencies?
• blame everything on you?
• make you feel like you have to watch everything you do or say so the fuse doesn't ignite?
• humiliate you in public or other social gathering with family and friends?
• beg for forgiveness only to repeat violent episodes?

When I talk about my past experience, I relate it to a death in some respects because the pain that is remembered never leaves, but you learn to live with it. There are times where I find it unimaginable that at the young age of 19, I married and lived with a man who routinely inflicted emotional, mental and physical pain. During the life of the three-year marriage, I left seven times and never came back the last time.

The one thing that was never broken was my spirit and due to uplifted determination, that last decision to leave was one of the best decisions I have made in my adult life. I have spent my adult whole life analyzing this circumstance in my life. I received beatings and humiliation and character attacks on such a routinely basis. Why?

Essentially, I experienced another person’s complete control over who I was and what I was to become thereafter. I was vulnerable. I was passionate about living. I loved people. My heightened levels of emotion were molded into a numb mass of mistrust for self-protection. I was transformed into someone who would believe for years to come that I was nobody. My suspicions of other peoples’ intentions and my tendency to assume the worst began. I stopped having dreams. Ultimately, though, it was my spiritual self that removed me from the chaos of fear and pain.

It took patience and perseverance and numerous times of departing the marriage to bring it to an end. I built a wall that rose above my head. I purposefully decided I would never need what everyone called “love” because the return might be more pain and I could live without that. Consequently, I refused to give or receive emotion for a long time.

The abusive events that occurred during the marriage were pieces of awareness just beginning to surface to public attention by mass media at that time in my life in the mid to late 70s. People didn’t know how to respond to spousal abuse, or child abuse. I find, though, it’s difficult for people to deal with the truth of certain subjects so they practice avoidance.

I learned the value of living alone and pursued my degree at the age of 39. In knowing “the good of alone,” I still learn more about myself by restoring “me” absent discouragement as much as possible. By that, I mean it’s important you like yourself and work hard on improving yourself as much as you possibly can. That’s the right thing that anyone should do. Don’t be afraid to experience and don’t be afraid to break away from lifelong conditioned patterns. Learn to question everything you see and hear in order to have your own mind--a mind of your own creation and not somebody else’s. When I share my views about the events of my life, I am very hopeful to help another person also find a sense of emotional freedom.

After my divorce at age 23, I attended a business womens' meeting with my late Mom. One of the speakers was addressing the subject of battered women. She proceeded to tell the audience that "she got what she deserved if she was dumb enough to stay." I clearly recall my Mom and I shooting a glance at each other. The speaker obviously wasn't funny and never had the experience of having been hit in the face or threatened with her life before. I will always believe people need to think before they speak. I never went to another meeting after that experience.

If you are being abused right now or know of someone else in imminent danger, call 911. If you need help or know of someone who does, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800/799-7233 or if you have access to a computer, log on at http://www.thehotline.org/ which is open everyday and all day and night. Your call is confidential and anonymous. Your call will be connected to a local facility where one is available to help offer you support.